Among the safest spots in town (ours or any town) are, naturally, wherever cops hang out. Like police stations. And Starbucks (which have replaced the secure donut shops of three decades ago).

A few nights ago, I happened upon one of the Starbucks police powwows: No less than 10 officers, each armed with a to-go cup, forming an oval on the sidewalk under the green glow of the Starbucks sign. A sixth squad car pulled up nearby; two more cops hopped out to join in.

You're safe if you follow the Trauma crew, too. The crash-bang action series recently staged a messy car accident with City Hall as a backdrop. SFPD cars and officers kept bystanders away from a traumatized green Accord (in which an actress spent a lot of time waiting for some action) and an overturned black Toyota truck.

That whole scene was encircled by a bona fide SF police team--which answered the frequent "Is this real?" question and ensured that real gawkers kept a distance.

The year-end holidays are supposed to be the happiest time of the year, but you know better. There are traditions to follow, obligations to fulfill, relationship rifts to be mended (or glossed over), too much shopping to be done, resolutions to make--and through all of this, you're to be merry and jolly.

That's why Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, presented by Actors Theatre of San Francisco, could be perfect holiday fare--for realists. In the Edward Albee play, the marriage of George, a middle-aged, has-been history professor and Martha, the college president's daughter, consists of verbal sparring and stabbing. They make "dysfunctional" seem normal. A young, new professor and his ditzy wife who come over for a nightcap are quickly snagged in the tornado, and no one emerges nobly or victorious.

Actors Christian Phillips as George and Rachel Klyce as Martha are particularly (and scarily) good. I'd not read or seen the play before, and at the first of two intermissions, I was a bit tired from the on-stage assaults. But the characters were vivid and intriguing enough that I stayed for the rest of the three-hour Actors Theatre production.

The Spartan, 10-row theater intensifies the performance. Family reunion conflicts or personal angst you experience beyond the theater will seem a breeze.

Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
Thursday-Saturday, Dec. 17-19, at 8 p.m.
Actors Theatre of San Francisco
855 Bush St., San Francisco
Tickets: $26-38. Visit Actors Theatre online or call 415 345-1287.

Related info:
• Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? synopsis and character analyses by About.com's guide to plays, Wade Bradford.
• More about playwright Edward Albee.
• A Paris Review interview with Edward Albee, in which he discusses Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

When I come across something said in or about SF that is striking or intriguing and makes me chuckle or wonder, I feel a I-love-living-here! zing.

For instance, just a few nights ago:

The scene: The produce section of an upscale grocery store, San Francisco.
Who: Two male grocery workers. (And me nearby, considering the oranges).

Guy 1: Should I look into it?

Guy 2: Well, I saw her fall down, twice.

Guy 1: Before I talk to her, I gotta get my emotions in check.

Guy 2: She's a nice girl, though.

Leave it to San Francisco--specifically, the San Francisco Lesbian/Gay Freedom Band--to democratize, popularize and energize The Nutcracker.

The classic Christmas ballet, which premiered in Russia in 1892, gets a complete and campy makeover in the hands of the band: It becomes an audience-dance-along spectacle, and this year the tale is set in the Wild West (instead of the original Germany).

The Blazing Nutcrackers performances this weekend will include ballet, line dancing, cavorting sheep, twirling buckaroos, a dance-off between the forces of good and evil, and Tchaikovsky's score mixed with Western twangs. But the most riotous and surreal parts will come when a "Dance Along" sign cues the un-choreographed, un-rehearsed crowd to boogie in the aisles.

You're invited to come in cowboy duds. And you can rent tutus and bling-accessories on site.

Gee, sing-along Messiahs suddenly seem so dull.

Blazing Nutcrackers
When: Saturday, Dec. 12, at 2:30 p.m., and Sunday, Dec. 13, at 11 a.m. & 3 p.m.
Holiday Gala Performance on Dec. 12 at 7 p.m., with pre-show cocktail reception and music by City Swing Big Band.
Where: Yerba Buena Center for the Arts Forum, 701 Mission Street (at 3rd), San Francisco.
Tickets: General admission $25; seniors and children age 12 and under, $16. Holiday Gala Performance $50. Purchase tickets online or by calling Yerba Buena's box office, (415) 978-2787.

Silver earrings, porcelain plates, clutches made from gum wrappers, painted silk scarves, silver earrings, organic cotton onesies, more silver earrings.... If you've been OD-ing on holiday craft fairs but still have gifts to get and hate malls, there's good news-- really.

First, there are only a couple of more weekends of fairs to endure. Then you can recover, just in time for the summer craft-fair season.

Second, two fairs this weekend are unusual enough to un-glaze your glazed-over eyes:

• The Crucible's Holiday Gifty Art Sale and Open House features hot and lively glass-blowing, blacksmithing and metal casting demonstrations, Santa and crafts-making for kids. Yes, there'll be lots of silver jewelry and other "wearable art," but glass window panels, stained glass, funky metal sculptures and bikes are for sale, too.

  You'll also find knitted fuzz-balls with eyes (dubbed "zombies" and "ghosties") and bear, bunny and cat pajamas that can double as Halloween costumes.

  Dec. 12 & 13, 10 a.m.-4 p.m.
  The Crucible
  1260 7th St., Oakland
  Phone: 510 444-0919
  Free admission
  



• The Silver Bells Arts & Crafts Faire sounds hopelessly quaint to me (crocheted toilet-paper roll covers and doilies?), but don't go by the name. An annual event organized by the nonprofit Kimochi Inc., which runs a senior home and center tailored to Japanese-Americans, the fair includes more than 80 Asian and Pacific-Islander designers and craftspeople.

  Where else in the city can you find musubi-looking ornaments, soap shaped like koi and sushi and doggie coats made of Japanese-print fabric? Or aloha-print fleece clothing, perfect for dreaming of Hawaii while living in San Francisco's winter?

  You can also pick up bamboo vases, kimono-clad dolls, ceramics made by Kimochi's clientele, Hawaiian bracelets and carved pig mobiles.

  Dec. 13, 10 a.m.-4 p.m.
  St. Mary's Cathedral, Event Center (basement level)
  111 Gough St. (at Geary), San Francisco
  Phone: 415 931-2294
  Free admission and limited free parking.

I've always wondered what MacArthur Fellows were like --you know, the winners of the "genius" grants. Whenever I read about the awardees in the paper, I marvel at their achievements (and sometimes at how they were discovered, since their work can be so esoteric and not-even-on-the-radar).

I can report that they--or at least the genius I encountered--look like any ordinary persons on the street. Lateefah Simon, a native San Franciscan and MacArthur genius, has braces on her teeth and could be mistaken for a gangly college kid. Once she steps up and speaks, she has the air of one dedicated to a cause.

Her cause is to help the poor, the down-trodden and the discriminated-against, particularly women. It began as a personal one at age 15; now she's spent half her lifetime on it, educated herself in how to manage and lead, and is the first non-lawyer executive director of the Lawyers' Committee for Civil Rights.

But Simon, honored Sunday afternoon by the Democratic Women's Forum of San Francisco, was humble; she re-directed the praise to Angela Alioto, who'd lent her home for the soiree. Growing up, when she'd had school assignments to write about her hero, Simon said, she'd picked Alioto. So it was a "dream" to now be in Alioto's Pacific Heights house.

Emily Murase, executive director of the San Francisco Department on the Status of Women, and Betty Yee of the California Board of Equalization, were also honored by the Democratic women's group.

Alioto's house was dressed for the holidays inside and out. The parlor held a fragrant, fat, ceiling-tall tree decked with doves and red and gold bows.

Night owls, early birds and shopping pros: Last week, you could tell everyone that Black Friday deals were your reason to be up-and-at-'em at 4 a.m. This week's reason, for you and for any San Franciscans seeking a milli-second of fame: Good Morning America 's live broadcast from Union Square.

For the televising on Thursday from 4 a.m. to 6 a.m., ABC and the San Francisco Convention & Visitors Bureau are hoping for a live, big crowd. They figure that the chance of 4.5 million TV viewers seeing you wave "hi" to mom is enough to lure you to Union Square in the dark.

Just in case, they also promise free Ghirardelli hot chocolate, weatherman Sam Champion and a holiday lighting ceremony, according to their press release. And a performance by the Beach Blanket Babylon crew that showcases the 11-foot-tall San Francisco Skyline Hat, which has a moving cable car, the Golden Gate Bridge, SFMOMA and other SF icons.

Thursday morning, head to the giant Christmas tree and ice rink. Bring an extra coat--it'll be chilly at 4 a.m. Before you leave, you can leave the coat for Good Morning America's coat drive.

Then dash home, tune in to the show from 7 a.m. to 9 a.m., and perhaps you'll get to watch yourself.

You've no doubt glimpsed the SFMOMA banner ads around town, but tomorrow is your last chance to view the Richard Avedon photos as they deserve to be seen: up close and slowly.

Our Museum of Modern Art is the only U.S. spot to host the spectacular retrospective of Avedon's pioneering art. Shooting fashion spreads in Paris in the 1950s, Avedon went on to photograph rock stars, actors, politicians, civil rights movement icons and manual laborers. Using a still camera, black-and-white film and a plain, usually white backdrop, his portraits were full of movement, expression, emotion and character.

Marilyn Monroe, Andy Warhol, Janis Joplin, Bjork and Twiggy are here. A wall of mugshots became a "Name That 1960s-70s Politico" game for me and my friend: "Wow, Henry Kissinger!... George Wallace!... Uh, Shirley Chisholm?"

My favorite part was the life-size portraits of a wizened African-American former slave, a no-nonsense teen-ager who skins rattlesnakes, a sinewy coal miner and other ordinary people.

The exhibit mentions that Avedon and his life were references for the movie Funny Face, starring Fred Astaire as a fashion photog and Audrey Hepburn as a bookseller-turned-model in Paris. So after SFMOMA, I rented the movie and at home, enjoyed some gorgeous Avedon images of Audrey Hepburn.

Richard Avedon: Photographs 1946-2004 closes tomorrow at 5:45 p.m. SFMOMA is on Third Street near Mission.

Tonight--all night--is your chance to see the movies and the 210-foot Coit Tower in ways you've never seen them before: the former on the latter.

Tomorrow you'll get a second chance, and it'll be a memorable antidote to Thanksgiving football TV.

The mega-movie marathon is a marvel of high technology and physics, ultra-long telephoto lenses and hefty projectors, choreographed by two San Francisco Art Institute graduates and blessed by the Rec and Parks Department. Using three projectors hauled onto Telegraph Hill rooftops that circle Coit and are 120 degrees apart from each other, the towering cylinder is transformed into a 360-degree set of movie screens, according to masterminds David Mark and Ben Wood. The Coit screen is visible as far as three miles away, or about as far as Russian Hill or the Ferry Building.

The special screening, honoring the 40th anniversary of Native Americans' occupation of Alcatraz, is of a collection of short films about the demonstration and about the local Ohlone Indians. On November 20, 1969, about 80 people landed on the island and demanded ownership so as to establish an Indian-focused university and cultural center. The stand-off ended in June 1971 after the government cut off power on Alcatraz and removed the last 15 demonstrators.

Showtime is dusk, around 6 p.m. Tune into KPOO (love those call letters!), 89.5 FM, for the accompanying audio broadcast. If you miss the first showing, no worries--the series of films will be repeated until dawn. And it'll rev up again tomorrow, from sundown to sun up.

WHAT: Shorts about Native American occupation of Alcatraz Island.
WHEN: Nov. 25 & 26, dusk til dawn.
WHERE: Recommended viewing sites are Telegraph Hill, Pier 31, Fisherman's Wharf and North Beach.

For more information about the projection's mechanics, check Wood and Mark's website.

I'm still seeing people wearing flip-flops, and most days we're basking in warm sunshine. But if you're ready for some winter-appropriate action, you'll find it right in town--at the seasonal outdoor ice rinks.

• The Union Square Holiday Ice Rink is open daily through Jan. 18. Admission is $4.50-9.50, and renting skates costs $4.
• The Embarcadero Center Holiday Ice Rink is in Justin Herman Plaza. It's open daily through Jan. 3, except when booked for private parties. Admission is $5.50-9.50; skate rental is $3.50.

Also in Union Square, Macy's towering fir tree will be officially lit up on Friday, Nov. 27, at 6:00 pm. The 85-footer is from Mt. Shasta.